Being Consistent Part1

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Life is more wonderful when you have something you are looking forward to especially in your marriage life. Goal setting is not just all about the desire of better things to happen in the future but it is also talks about planning to achieve greater things and putting deadline when will it happen.
In marriage, goal setting is very important because you are foreseeing what will happen in the future and it is much better if you are doing it according to the Word of God. Talking about goals, consistency is very important; being consistent on what you really want, being consistent on what you are already doing, and being consistent on what you really want to happen in your future.
Being consistent on what you really want means whatever may other things come, you will never change your mind because you are sure with what you chose. Like for instance, you want to establish Godly rules inside your home especially to your children who are more expose to worldly things.
You want to be consistent to your rules as a parent such as giving them curfew time, proper way of using social media accounts and to dress accordingly. These are just few of the things you need to implement inside your home and you just only want to protect your family that is why you are doing these.

Relationship Problems and Solutions Part 1

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There is no perfect relationship even if you consider your relationship as a God centered one because everyone knows that no one is perfect and everyone is always on the process of being better each day; either you are married or still single. When problems arise, you do not have to worry much and all you need to do is to work our together and help each other for a healthy relationship.
Communication
Even if you are already married, there are still same things that you need to take good care of like your career. You are busy when you were still single and how much more of being a married one already. Communication is really an issue arising especially if you do not have much time for your spouse. You will experience a lot of adjustments and time managements as this is one of the things you encounter in your first phase in your married life. You will have misunderstanding because of this but actually you can fix this over a cup of coffee and a smooth conversation.
Manage your time and as much as possible update your spouse about your day plan or schedule. You are already married so your new responsibility is to update each other. Have time for each other and it does not mean that you need to always dine in a fine restaurant, you can just watch your favorite show or before going to sleep you talk many things like your plans and experiences.

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship

How to improve communication in a relationship

Good communication is very important to have a strong relationship. If there is no constant communication or the level of communication in your relationship is poor, there will be misunderstanding and there is a possibility that you will doubt each other which often leads to argument.

For a healthy and strong relationship, you need to have an effort to communicate with your partner every day. It might be through text or call and even face to face. You develop a good communication skill once you are serious about that relationship that you have because you are afraid of losing the one you love. There are simple tips on how to be a good communicator.

Always express yourself freely

In having a good communication, you need to be honest and transparent in the first place. Without these two qualities, a relationship will never work out and it feels like you are committing with someone you do not trust. You need to make sure that you are committing with someone you are comfortable with and you are not intimidated.

It is very important for your partner to know what is going on with your life as an individual and tell your partner about your personal plans. You can share all things to him like the things that bother you, amaze you, or surprise you.

When you know how to express what you feel every time to him, he appreciates that because you let him feel that he is the best person to know you much. It is very good that even when you are angry, you will expect that he is person that will still love, understand and comfort you at the end  of the day.

Be a good listener

A good communicator is a good listener as well. Just like you want your partner to listen to your thoughts and feelings, be sure to give that person your full attention when the time comes for you to listen.

If you are a good communicator, you should be a good listener too. It is very important to a relationship that the two of you are both good in communicating and listening. It should be balanced and that will always mean that both of you understand each other. When there is a good understanding every time, a relationship becomes stronger and happier.

When you listen to your partner, that means you really care and you also want to give advice if he has problems. When you argue, it is not good that both of you are talking at the same time. Listening and talking in a nice way will always be the best tip to resolve an issue.

Build a strong foundation

Intimacy is very important in a relationship. But before intimacy, you should build first a strong foundation. You need to be the best friend of your partner. That means you find yourself enjoying each other’s company and you depend each other all the time. It is a great edge if your partner is also your best friend. You will not just have a stronger relationship, you will also have a happier life together.

Falling in Love Again with Your Partner

Falling in love again with your partnerAfter years of marriage, a common problem couples will encounter is the dilemma of keeping the flame of love alive. After the woman gave birth to a couple of kids gaining a couple of pounds too and the man of the house got used to with a couple of cans of beer after dinner while watching his favorite game on TV, not bothering how he looks anymore or keeping himself fit like he used to.

Falling into the pit of parenthood can take a real toll into your married life, couples will sometimes focus on their kid’s welfare and future they don’t bother to check on each other, keep the sparks of love in your relationship here are four tips that might help.

Talking. It is always the first thing that a marriage couple must do. Pay attention to your partner turn the TV off or put down your favorite magazine when they are speaking, listen to what they have to say. Just as simple of learning how he or she spent their day will go a long way.

Surprise your partner with a gift. A gift can be something simple, but you should really think about it and something that your spouse will really love. Gifts don’t need to be expensive, a simple card with a nice note telling them how you are thinking about them. Remember when you were dating, a simple note from your partner will really make your day.

Be Impulsive. When you’re out on a date instead of your usual routine be random when was the last time you and your spouse kiss in the mall parking lot or in the movie? Rekindling your younger days can really spice up your life or to really get out of the box arrange with your relative to take the kids during the weekend and spend yours in a hotel across the city or the next town.

Public Display of Affection. There is no such thing as too much PDA for a married couple. Social norms tells us that its awkward to see young teenagers holding hands or kissing in public acting out like a married couple, then a married couple has all the right to show their love for one another, after all they are duly licensed to do so and have the legal documents to prove it. Showing your affections will assure our partner on how much you want to be with them and letting the public knows about it can do your marriage good.

These four simple tips can inspire you to spend more quality time with your spouse and rekindling those special moments can help you fall in love again and again with your partner.

Love Is A Decision

Love is a decision

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4

The word “love” is often used as a noun: a way to label an emotion or state of being. Love is also used as a passive verb: more of an abstract emotion or a focus on a physical draw that we feel intently. In fact, take a look at the way the Merriam Webster dictionary defines the word:

“Love: n. a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. v. to feel great affection for (someone) : to feel love for (someone)”

The Bible, however, tell us something entirely different; it tells us that “love” is an action verb.

Love is Patient. You know that bad habit your spouse has? That one that just got on your last raw nerve merely thinking about it? That one. Ask yourself this: is it worth your frustration? Love is patient. Take a deep breathe. Focus on the big picture and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Love is Kind. Whether it’s confusing sarcasm and teasing for quick wit or going for the easy verbal jab when angry, we can all push “kind” to the wayside. Bring it back. Love is kind. Love doesn’t engage in name calling or put-downs. Remain respectful.

Love Does Not Envy. Are you home with a young child while your spouse is at work: talking to adults, using the bathroom alone and in peace, and finishing a cup of coffee while it’s still hot? Maybe you wish you had your spouse’s gregarious nature or special talent. Regardless, when envy rears its ugly head, resentment quickly steps in. Close that door, because love does not envy.

Love Does Not Boast. That last time you argued and it turned it out you were right? Love isn’t interested in “I told you so!” We may relish that feeling of vindication, sure. It isn’t doing our relationship any favors, however. Let it go.

Love is Not Proud. So that last time you argued and you were wrong? It can be hard to admit we made a mistake. Apologizing can be a blow to our ego. Love squashes down pride and does it anyway. (Need help saying you’re sorry? Try this: I’m sorry: How to say it and mean it.)

Challenge: Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 this week. How will you exhibit the action verb “love” in your relationships? Come back here next week to dig deeper into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

How to Divorce-Proof a Marriage

Modesty means a marriage will last forever, but studies show the most expensive the engagement ring, then the higher rise of divorce. Social Science Research Network, through their study A Diamond Is Forever and Other Fairytales, studied 300 couples around the time of their engagements. They focused on factors such as income, religious attendance and other activities the duo took part in together. In their findings, they found couples should date at least 3 years to minimize their chances of divorce; this excuses either partner of being a gold-digger and wanting to rush into things too fast. This is good advice, and the following advice might serve as bubble wrap for your divorce-proof marriage as well.

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Always think of family first. You may or may not come from a large family that gathers every Sunday for dinner. You have four or more siblings, and all those extended relatives mixed in. Your spouse, on the other hand, might come a small, tighter family. There may only be 3 or 4 in their family, counting the parents, so it may feel awkward for them going into such a large crowd. Keep this in mind and help them cope with it. Also, help your partner realize how important your family is to you. Why not get everyone together at your house? This way it’s your home front and you can disappear if you like.

Another factor is your health and wellness. Beyond general health, your values should be aligned like the moon and stars. He or she should want to be your running partner. They should want to accompany you to the gym or go on the diet with you. They might not like it—but they should be willing to try it. If your partner is a TV junkie, it’s going to be hard for you to go to the gym each day. Try to motivate them to go with you, convincing them they have television there.

You and your partner must also be eye to eye on finances. This is a tough area for many couples. Money issues are often the leading cause of divorce. He or she runs up a credit card, buys an expensive item and so forth. To some partners, these are deal breakers, but try to work things out. After all, you’re not perfect, either. Work with your partner to develop a budget that suits both of you, just not one of you. This way you both know how much money you’re bringing in and how many expenses you have. It’s a good lesson in working together.

Finally, don’t forget to be rock solid when you discuss the children. You are a team, not competitors. If John goes to mom and gets a no, then he gets a no from dad. Simple as that. You both should also discuss your expectations for your children regarding school, religion and how you’ll teach them about the world. It’s so crucial you be on the same page because your kids pick up on everything. They’re going to know who the weaker parent is and go towards them, so don’t let them.

Follow these tips and your marriage is sure to strong. It’s going to last forever if you and your partner work as a team. That’s really the secret to it all.

How to Reconcile a Marriage through Counseling

DSC_0191He doesn’t wear his wedding ring any more, at least not after he caught her cheating. And she can’t look him in the eye, asking for his forgiveness of driving a wedge through their wedded bliss. It seems the road this couple is headed down is not a pleasant one, even though their divorce is finalized. As they meet in the counseling office, they shake hands, agreeing to cease the arguing and call a truce, at least for a moment.

 Sound familiar? So many couples end their marriages like this because they have lost trust in their partner, but forgiveness is key if you have hope in getting back together. The first step in forgiving one another is to find a mediator that can help guide the conversation. It’s not their job to ‘point the finger,’ but rather allow you to express the feelings that are buried deeper than a treasure chest. It’s important you get honesty back on track until you can move forward.

Then, you have to hold yourself accountable. If it’s your fault that the marriage ended, own it. Tell your partner that you will never betray him or her in such a dishonorable way. Admitting your faults is one of the first steps to healing and ultimately—this is one of the first steps to reconciliation. If you want a future with this individual ever again, you’re going to have to get the good, bad and ugly out into the clear air. Even if you don’t like what they are telling you, own it.

You may also want to sit close to them, looking them in the eyes. Think about what first made you fall in love with them. That quality is still in there, buried under this confusion and this anger. Do your best to bring it out. If it’s cooking her a homemade Italian dinner with scattered rose petals throughout the house, do it. You may be on the outskirts, but she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

As you go through counseling, it may be beneficial to try this exercise. Take their hands in yours, closing your eyes. Imagine your future; not the far off future, but the immediate future. Are they there? If so, then you should reconcile and not end this union that God has put together. Find it in your heart to express your forgiveness, giving them a second chance. It may seem cliche, but marriage is like being a soldier; you fight the battle until it’s won.

Finally, make sure your partner doesn’t feel isolated. This happens so frequently because of the I and me syndromes. If you look to your marriage as a team, then separation won’t be on the table. When I got married, someone gave me great advice: Stay up and fight. This is your life we’re talking about. If you want to reconcile, you’re going to have to work through differences, and that isn’t always easy. Just don’t ever give up; fight to the end.

Be Proactive: Promote Your Spouse’s Happiness

3277839203_0ffd9d23e4_zIf you’re like a majority of Americans, your daily schedule looks like: “go, go, go, go, go.” Nearly every item on our to-do list is demanding to be marked “URGENT!” This constant full speed lifestyle not only compromises us as individuals, it can also put undue pressure on our relationships. We’ve talked before about the  importance of making time for you. Are you encouraging your spouse to do the same?

Listen

Be attentive when your spouse is talking. What topics energize your spouse? What dreams are they sharing? What missed opportunities are they regretting? Somewhere in those details are the pursuits that might make your spouse happy.

Plan

You’ve done your detective work and it’s become pretty clear, for example, that your spouse loves taking photos. Is there a photography club or a hobbyist class offered in your community? Share the info with your spouse, “I was thinking about how you like taking photos. I noticed the parks department was offering a one day workshop on nature photography. You should take it!”

Just Do It

Birthdays, anniversaries and “just because” occasions are a good time to gently nudge your partner to embrace their own “me-time.” Again, listen to your spouse’s heart and dreams. Then gift them with the opportunity to fulfill them. A friend once mentioned in passing that a local artist studio was offering classes in stain glass art. “I’d love to learn how to do that!” she had said. Weeks later her husband handed her an envelope with the paid registration receipt as a birthday gift.

Talk Positive

Sometimes being too busy to give a hobby a try or take a class is just an excuse. The real reason may involve a lack of confidence. Reassure your spouse. “I love listening to you sing the kids to sleep. You have such a beautiful voice. I heard the church choir was looking for new members. You should give it a try!”

Fill The Gap

You and your spouse may have specific routine tasks that you each take on. Step in and fill the gap so your spouse can break from those tasks and embrace a hobby from time to time. “No, you go ahead and have a night out with your friends. I’ll handle the kids’ bath time solo tonight.”

Challenge: What activities or hobbies do you think would make your spouse happy? Take time this week to encourage them to pursue it.

4 Keys to Communicating When Angry

4 Keys to Communicating When AngryCommunication, or the lack of thereof, can cripple an otherwise healthy relationship. Previously, I’ve given you ideas on how to communicate more effectively on a daily basis. These are important and effective tools; yet, if we’re being honest, they are easy to lose sight of when we’re emotional, stressed or tired. In those moments, try to focus on these four important keys of communicating.

  1. I” not “You”

When we’re angry, we may fall into using statements that start with “You” and include a bit of finger pointing behind them. Such statements will immediately shut down the dialogue. Your spouse will likely jump into defense mode and start lashing back. Next time, try this: start your statements with “I” and follow it with an explanation of how you’re feeling. “I am feeling overwhelmed, and was hoping to discuss it with you …”

  1. Understand why before lashing out

Are you really angry that your spouse didn’t take the garbage out (again) this morning? It’s more likely that the garbage is just a symptom of something else. Maybe you’re feeling like it’s only you who sees the chores that need to be done. Focus on what’s really bugging you. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel like no one else sees all the work that has to be done and it’s left on me to do it or nag others to. I don’t like being a nag.”

  1. Listen even better than you speak

When we’re angry or hurt, it can be easy to become myopic in our view of the situation. We forget that even our own stories have more than one side to it. Give voice to your feelings and then be silent. Let your spouse share theirs. Don’t just give air time, really listen with an empathetic ear.

  1. Seek resolution

Remember that the goal of this discussion is not to fling angry, hurtful words at one another. It’s not to cast blame. It’s to state a problem or concern and find a solution. Tell your spouse what you’re looking for, and be open to hearing what your spouse is seeking from you. Work together to reach a solution you can both be happy with – or at least, one you can both live with.

Challenge: This week focus on how you communicate. What can you do differently in the future?