Being Consistent Part1

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Life is more wonderful when you have something you are looking forward to especially in your marriage life. Goal setting is not just all about the desire of better things to happen in the future but it is also talks about planning to achieve greater things and putting deadline when will it happen.
In marriage, goal setting is very important because you are foreseeing what will happen in the future and it is much better if you are doing it according to the Word of God. Talking about goals, consistency is very important; being consistent on what you really want, being consistent on what you are already doing, and being consistent on what you really want to happen in your future.
Being consistent on what you really want means whatever may other things come, you will never change your mind because you are sure with what you chose. Like for instance, you want to establish Godly rules inside your home especially to your children who are more expose to worldly things.
You want to be consistent to your rules as a parent such as giving them curfew time, proper way of using social media accounts and to dress accordingly. These are just few of the things you need to implement inside your home and you just only want to protect your family that is why you are doing these.

Relationship Problems and Solutions Part 1

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There is no perfect relationship even if you consider your relationship as a God centered one because everyone knows that no one is perfect and everyone is always on the process of being better each day; either you are married or still single. When problems arise, you do not have to worry much and all you need to do is to work our together and help each other for a healthy relationship.
Communication
Even if you are already married, there are still same things that you need to take good care of like your career. You are busy when you were still single and how much more of being a married one already. Communication is really an issue arising especially if you do not have much time for your spouse. You will experience a lot of adjustments and time managements as this is one of the things you encounter in your first phase in your married life. You will have misunderstanding because of this but actually you can fix this over a cup of coffee and a smooth conversation.
Manage your time and as much as possible update your spouse about your day plan or schedule. You are already married so your new responsibility is to update each other. Have time for each other and it does not mean that you need to always dine in a fine restaurant, you can just watch your favorite show or before going to sleep you talk many things like your plans and experiences.

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship

How to improve communication in a relationship

Good communication is very important to have a strong relationship. If there is no constant communication or the level of communication in your relationship is poor, there will be misunderstanding and there is a possibility that you will doubt each other which often leads to argument.

For a healthy and strong relationship, you need to have an effort to communicate with your partner every day. It might be through text or call and even face to face. You develop a good communication skill once you are serious about that relationship that you have because you are afraid of losing the one you love. There are simple tips on how to be a good communicator.

Always express yourself freely

In having a good communication, you need to be honest and transparent in the first place. Without these two qualities, a relationship will never work out and it feels like you are committing with someone you do not trust. You need to make sure that you are committing with someone you are comfortable with and you are not intimidated.

It is very important for your partner to know what is going on with your life as an individual and tell your partner about your personal plans. You can share all things to him like the things that bother you, amaze you, or surprise you.

When you know how to express what you feel every time to him, he appreciates that because you let him feel that he is the best person to know you much. It is very good that even when you are angry, you will expect that he is person that will still love, understand and comfort you at the end  of the day.

Be a good listener

A good communicator is a good listener as well. Just like you want your partner to listen to your thoughts and feelings, be sure to give that person your full attention when the time comes for you to listen.

If you are a good communicator, you should be a good listener too. It is very important to a relationship that the two of you are both good in communicating and listening. It should be balanced and that will always mean that both of you understand each other. When there is a good understanding every time, a relationship becomes stronger and happier.

When you listen to your partner, that means you really care and you also want to give advice if he has problems. When you argue, it is not good that both of you are talking at the same time. Listening and talking in a nice way will always be the best tip to resolve an issue.

Build a strong foundation

Intimacy is very important in a relationship. But before intimacy, you should build first a strong foundation. You need to be the best friend of your partner. That means you find yourself enjoying each other’s company and you depend each other all the time. It is a great edge if your partner is also your best friend. You will not just have a stronger relationship, you will also have a happier life together.

Falling in Love Again with Your Partner

Falling in love again with your partnerAfter years of marriage, a common problem couples will encounter is the dilemma of keeping the flame of love alive. After the woman gave birth to a couple of kids gaining a couple of pounds too and the man of the house got used to with a couple of cans of beer after dinner while watching his favorite game on TV, not bothering how he looks anymore or keeping himself fit like he used to.

Falling into the pit of parenthood can take a real toll into your married life, couples will sometimes focus on their kid’s welfare and future they don’t bother to check on each other, keep the sparks of love in your relationship here are four tips that might help.

Talking. It is always the first thing that a marriage couple must do. Pay attention to your partner turn the TV off or put down your favorite magazine when they are speaking, listen to what they have to say. Just as simple of learning how he or she spent their day will go a long way.

Surprise your partner with a gift. A gift can be something simple, but you should really think about it and something that your spouse will really love. Gifts don’t need to be expensive, a simple card with a nice note telling them how you are thinking about them. Remember when you were dating, a simple note from your partner will really make your day.

Be Impulsive. When you’re out on a date instead of your usual routine be random when was the last time you and your spouse kiss in the mall parking lot or in the movie? Rekindling your younger days can really spice up your life or to really get out of the box arrange with your relative to take the kids during the weekend and spend yours in a hotel across the city or the next town.

Public Display of Affection. There is no such thing as too much PDA for a married couple. Social norms tells us that its awkward to see young teenagers holding hands or kissing in public acting out like a married couple, then a married couple has all the right to show their love for one another, after all they are duly licensed to do so and have the legal documents to prove it. Showing your affections will assure our partner on how much you want to be with them and letting the public knows about it can do your marriage good.

These four simple tips can inspire you to spend more quality time with your spouse and rekindling those special moments can help you fall in love again and again with your partner.

INFIDELITY during marriage : Overcoming it

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Nowadays, you cannot easily spot a husband or wife capable of infidelity. On some cases, say the couple may still love each other and not fallen out of love, but sometimes they just tend to become displeased with their current set-up and situation. Upon settling down and started having kids, the priority and focus are now centered in providing the needs of the family and focusing in raising their children. They tend to agonize in silence, believing they can’t get what they want from their spouses. This situation will lead to lack of open communication between the couple where romance is also starting to fade. In search of emotional connection, a third party commonly fill-in the attention, flattery and romance which is not present in the relationship anymore. Infidelity is not all about sex, instead, it is about the unmet needs and intimacy.

Infidelity can destroy even the toughest relationship, causing feelings of betrayal of trust, guilt, and rage. If you happen to know that your husband is cheating on you, it is extremely difficult to overcome the feeling of betrayal and anger. If your husband is not faithful, it’s not your fault, but the wife should also realize and reflect on her own with regards to her shortcomings in their marriage. The “fault or shortcomings” could be the sign of the disconnections which has been ignored by the couple.

Here are some ways in recovering from Infidelity:

  1. Be determined, clarify your purpose. You must have a firm and clear purpose. When hurt, you may tend to think about the problem. Bringing up the past and continuously recycling about the problem can worsen the agony. Just keep your focus on the solution you are looking into and you will certainly get concrete answers.  For all you know, a couple may find that they have grown closer.
  2. Cultivate a more meaningful and special level of emotional intimacy. To get over or rebuild a relationship after infidelity, you must be more willing to be emotionally intimate with each other. This include, spending more quality time together, open communication in sharing your lives with each other, be more passionate and more giving.
  3. Always be together in doing tasks. Couples that are spending time together, sharing their mutual interest has the bigger chance of recovering from infidelity rapidly and successfully. Hobbies need not to be very expensive, It could just be a simple gardening or watching a romantic dvd at home.
  4. Reminisce how your love started. It feels good for the couple to reminisce their courtship days and how their love blossomed, how did they fall in love? What do you like about each other? In here, you will also realize everything that you’ve been through at the start of the relationship and how you surmount the challenges along the way. This will give the couple a chance to become closer to each other again.
  5. Don’t bother asking details about the thing you don’t need to know. Don’t ask your partner further details of the sexual encounter nor compare yourself with the third party whom they had an affair with. CONCENTRATE ON THE RELATIONSHIP and MARRIAGE, not on the third party.
  6. Compromise yourself to the relationship. Healing is not that easy. There needs to be an earnest desire in saving the marriage and commit yourself of your loyalty to your partner – with a promise that an affair shall never happen again.
  7. Renew your Vows. Start anew, remember how it all began let go of the past and forgive. Pray together and let go of old thoughts, behaviors and anything that brings back the thirst for infidelity. Replace them with the memories of the good times that you had as a couple.
  8. Seek out new Couple Friends. Look for a role model, a new couple relationships would be nice, a couple who has been together for a long time and has passed all the temptation of infidelity with flying colors will help your relationship heal and move up to the next level.

These eight steps can help a couple recover from the clutches of infidelity but you must remember, for them to work you must make sure that both of you are on board and in agreement that you are willing to fix it and be together to work it out not just for the children but for the both of you and remember, just like any hurdles or bumps in life “This too shall Pass “.

Love Is A Decision

Love is a decision

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4

The word “love” is often used as a noun: a way to label an emotion or state of being. Love is also used as a passive verb: more of an abstract emotion or a focus on a physical draw that we feel intently. In fact, take a look at the way the Merriam Webster dictionary defines the word:

“Love: n. a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. v. to feel great affection for (someone) : to feel love for (someone)”

The Bible, however, tell us something entirely different; it tells us that “love” is an action verb.

Love is Patient. You know that bad habit your spouse has? That one that just got on your last raw nerve merely thinking about it? That one. Ask yourself this: is it worth your frustration? Love is patient. Take a deep breathe. Focus on the big picture and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Love is Kind. Whether it’s confusing sarcasm and teasing for quick wit or going for the easy verbal jab when angry, we can all push “kind” to the wayside. Bring it back. Love is kind. Love doesn’t engage in name calling or put-downs. Remain respectful.

Love Does Not Envy. Are you home with a young child while your spouse is at work: talking to adults, using the bathroom alone and in peace, and finishing a cup of coffee while it’s still hot? Maybe you wish you had your spouse’s gregarious nature or special talent. Regardless, when envy rears its ugly head, resentment quickly steps in. Close that door, because love does not envy.

Love Does Not Boast. That last time you argued and it turned it out you were right? Love isn’t interested in “I told you so!” We may relish that feeling of vindication, sure. It isn’t doing our relationship any favors, however. Let it go.

Love is Not Proud. So that last time you argued and you were wrong? It can be hard to admit we made a mistake. Apologizing can be a blow to our ego. Love squashes down pride and does it anyway. (Need help saying you’re sorry? Try this: I’m sorry: How to say it and mean it.)

Challenge: Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 this week. How will you exhibit the action verb “love” in your relationships? Come back here next week to dig deeper into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

How to Reconcile a Marriage through Counseling

DSC_0191He doesn’t wear his wedding ring any more, at least not after he caught her cheating. And she can’t look him in the eye, asking for his forgiveness of driving a wedge through their wedded bliss. It seems the road this couple is headed down is not a pleasant one, even though their divorce is finalized. As they meet in the counseling office, they shake hands, agreeing to cease the arguing and call a truce, at least for a moment.

 Sound familiar? So many couples end their marriages like this because they have lost trust in their partner, but forgiveness is key if you have hope in getting back together. The first step in forgiving one another is to find a mediator that can help guide the conversation. It’s not their job to ‘point the finger,’ but rather allow you to express the feelings that are buried deeper than a treasure chest. It’s important you get honesty back on track until you can move forward.

Then, you have to hold yourself accountable. If it’s your fault that the marriage ended, own it. Tell your partner that you will never betray him or her in such a dishonorable way. Admitting your faults is one of the first steps to healing and ultimately—this is one of the first steps to reconciliation. If you want a future with this individual ever again, you’re going to have to get the good, bad and ugly out into the clear air. Even if you don’t like what they are telling you, own it.

You may also want to sit close to them, looking them in the eyes. Think about what first made you fall in love with them. That quality is still in there, buried under this confusion and this anger. Do your best to bring it out. If it’s cooking her a homemade Italian dinner with scattered rose petals throughout the house, do it. You may be on the outskirts, but she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

As you go through counseling, it may be beneficial to try this exercise. Take their hands in yours, closing your eyes. Imagine your future; not the far off future, but the immediate future. Are they there? If so, then you should reconcile and not end this union that God has put together. Find it in your heart to express your forgiveness, giving them a second chance. It may seem cliche, but marriage is like being a soldier; you fight the battle until it’s won.

Finally, make sure your partner doesn’t feel isolated. This happens so frequently because of the I and me syndromes. If you look to your marriage as a team, then separation won’t be on the table. When I got married, someone gave me great advice: Stay up and fight. This is your life we’re talking about. If you want to reconcile, you’re going to have to work through differences, and that isn’t always easy. Just don’t ever give up; fight to the end.

Take Back Family Time

Take Back Family TimeWhat does your family calendar look like? If you’re like many modern families, there’s an awful lot of activity packed into each day between school, work, sports, Scouts, church, medical appointments, hobbies, volunteer commitments and on and on and on. It can be difficult to find time to do ‘family,’ especially as the kids get older. Difficult, mind you, is not the same as impossible. Friends, it’s time to get family time back on your calendar.

Why do we need it?

We tend to make time for things we deem a priority. Here’s a fact you need to know: Studies indicate that children who enjoy leisure time and/or meals with their parents are healthier, happier, perform better in school, and are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors as teens. You and your spouse will benefit from the downtime and togetherness too. In fact, did you know research says that adults with strong personal connections are healthier and tend to live longer?

All those other things you’re doing? Sure, they have benefits too. However, none of them are a replacement for family time and the benefits it offers each of you.

Start with dinner

There are days where you feel lucky to grab a bite from the drive-through on your way between bullet points on your to-do list. However, with the right recipes you can prepare a healthy, fast, home-cooked meal in almost the same amount of time that it takes you to order “two number sevens, a small cheeseburger, and an extra side of fries.” If you have a slow cooker, Cooking Light has 100+ recipes to inspire you.

If that evening meal simply isn’t going to mesh with your schedules, anoint breakfast as your family meal. This is more about being together than the time of day you do it.

More than a meal

Sharing a meal is more than just the food you’re eating, of course. Start with prayer. Go beyond the simple grace. Pray over your family too. As you eat, take time to talk. Make plans for future family adventures. Ask questions and listen to the answers.

Challenge: If family dinner is not already part of your routine, start by dedicating one meal together this week. Make a pact to nurture the ritual of a daily family meal going forward. Already having family dinners? Share your favorite recipe. 

Marriage and Faith Lessons from Joseph

Marriage and Faith Lessons from JosephI’ve been thinking about Joseph. We sing about baby Jesus, Mary, shepherds and their flocks, three kings of Orient, a drummer boy and a host of angels. But we don’t typically strike many notes in honor of Joseph. It’s not just the songs, either. In the Bible, we only read of his reaction to the news of Mary’s pregnancy in Matthew. The only other Gospel to write of the Christ birth, Luke, doesn’t mention Joseph until the young couple is packing their bags for Bethlehem. He’s almost the forgotten man in the Christmas story. Yet, Joseph has a lot to teach us.

Respect and Honor

When Joseph first learns of Mary’s pregnancy he contemplates divorce. Matthew tells us that Joseph was faithful to the law, but because he did not want to disgrace Mary, he plans to do so quietly. Surely he was hurt and angry. His betrothed is pregnant. The baby isn’t his and she’s trying to convince him the child was conceived by the Holy Ghost. How many of us would handle things quietly so as not to disgrace her? How often do we, in our angry and wounded place, lash out, or even go public with our story? Joseph, on the other hand, remains respectful. What an amazing role model!

Trust

Matthew tells us that the angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream and discloses God’s plan. As much as I hope I’d have the faith to accept such a divine dream at face value, I wonder if doubt would nag at me. Not Joseph, however. After waking, he takes Mary home as his wife. Joseph placed his trust in faith and through that, he placed his trust in his wife. Can we say the same?

God-Centered Life and Marriage

You might say it’s hard not to keep God at the center of your marriage when your first born is the Messiah. Yet, before young Jesus spoke his first word, Joseph and Mary were faithful. They took their infant son to temple for the purification rites as prescribed by Mosaic Law. Joseph accepts, on blind faith, the instructions of another angel dream to move his infant son and wife to Egypt and later to Nazareth. It’s easy to get caught up in our day-to-day and lose focus on God at the center of our lives and our relationships. Joseph’s faith is an example to us.

Challenge: This week, as you countdown the final days before Christmas, spend time getting to know Joseph. What will you learn from Jesus’ earthly step-father?