Tag Archives: marriage; couple; relationship; advise;

Married Loneliness? Time to Connect with Christ Part 2

lone

You’re sitting there right now, your spouse in the room, and dialog from your television is humming in the background. One of you is focused on the TV; the other on this page. In your mind, you’re playing over the list of things on your to-do list and perhaps you’re stewing just a little over how few of them your spouse has volunteered to take over.

You find yourself thinking back to the earliest days of your relationship when you felt so connected and so sure. Now, however, you are physically together and yet you are feeling deeply alone. Sound familiar? First, let me reassure you, even in the healthiest of marriages, it happens. The question is: how do we fill in that empty feeling?

But He Really Does

The good news is that there is one who can complete us and make us whole. In fact, it’s often these moments of loneliness that we may find ourselves in the best position to commune with Christ. Luke 5:16 says “Jesus withdrew into lonely places and he prayed.” Although Luke is describing a physical place and not an emotional loneliness, the point remains that this sense of being on our own opens the door for a more complete and focused time. God doesn’t speak to us with a deep, loud, resonating voice from on-high. He comes beside us with a still, small whisper that we hear only when we’re quiet, focused and listening. When we turn to Him in these moments, we find a wholeness no single person could ever give us.

Challenge: Where are you seeking fulfillment? Ask yourself, are you looking to your marriage to meet needs that you should be looking to Christ to meet? Find your lonely place and pray.

Married Loneliness? Time to Connect with Christ Part 1

untitled

You’re sitting there right now, your spouse in the room, and dialog from your television is humming in the background. One of you is focused on the TV; the other on this page. In your mind, you’re playing over the list of things on your to-do list and perhaps you’re stewing just a little over how few of them your spouse has volunteered to take over.

You find yourself thinking back to the earliest days of your relationship when you felt so connected and so sure. Now, however, you are physically together and yet you are feeling deeply alone. Sound familiar? First, let me reassure you, even in the healthiest of marriages, it happens. The question is: how do we fill in that empty feeling?

You “Don’t” Complete Me

Even if you never saw the film Jerry McGuire you’re likely aware of that pivotal relationship moment between Jerry and Dorothy. Standing there, desperate to convey his feelings, Jerry says, “I love you. You…complete… me.” Of course we connected with that moment because that is what we’ve been conditioned to look for, is it not? We speak of ‘my other half.’ We talk about ‘soul mates.’ Yet, in doing so we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. The reality is no one person can meet all our needs. When we look for another individual to fill that empty place inside, to complete us and make us whole, we are tasking that individual with the impossible.

Challenge: Where are you seeking fulfillment? Ask yourself, are you looking to your marriage to meet needs that you should be looking to Christ to meet? Find your lonely place and pray.

Become Man, Wife in God: Nurturing a spiritually-based marriage Part 2

fff

When you got married, the officiant likely ended the ceremony by introducing you and your spouse as man and wife for the first time. Did you know that someone was left out in that introduction? A marriage isn’t, after all, a relationship between two people. It’s a relationship between two people and God.

What if, however, you’ve pushed God aside in the marriage as a silent partner? How do you and your spouse make Him an active participant again? Here are three tips to cultivating a faith-centered marriage:

Count Your Blessings

Today ‘busy’ is the norm. You likely feel as if you juggle more than you relax or that you run more than you sit still. Being stressed and tired makes it easier for our eyes to sharpen the negatives and blur the positives out of focus. It becomes reflex to see where our partner is not measuring up to some standard we’ve set or to notice the little things that are wearing our patience down. It’s hard to be happy, especially happy with one another, when we’re focusing on the imperfections. Taking time each day to focus on the good things about your partner and your life together brings the positive back into focus. More importantly thank God for those blessings.

Challenge: This week, make God the center of your marriage. Pick a piece of scripture that speaks to you both. Pray over it. Discuss it. Take a moment each day to pray together. Make sure to thank God for your blessings when you do. What scripture speaks most to you and your spouse? What are you grateful for today?

Become Man, Wife in God: Nurturing a spiritually-based marriage Part 1

untitled

When you got married, the officiant likely ended the ceremony by introducing you and your spouse as man and wife for the first time. Did you know that someone was left out in that introduction? A marriage isn’t, after all, a relationship between two people. It’s a relationship between two people and God.

What if, however, you’ve pushed God aside in the marriage as a silent partner? How do you and your spouse make Him an active participant again? Here are three tips to cultivating a faith-centered marriage:

Pray Together

When we pray honestly, we are laid bare. We reveal our vulnerabilities. We drop pretext. Is there anything more intimate than this? Even more significant, however, is that praying together invites Christ directly into your relationship. Remember, in Matthew 18:20 Jesus says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Read Scripture Together. Study Scripture together

The Bible is the living word of God. When we schedule time to read scripture together, we are saying God’s message to us is important. We are making our faith a priority. When we study scripture together we delve into a deeper understanding of God’s word and what it means for our lives and our relationship.

Love is an Action Verb: Living 1 Corinthians 13:4 Part2

Untitled
The word “love” is often used as a noun: a way to label an emotion or state of being. Love is also used as a passive verb: more of an abstract emotion or a focus on a physical draw that we feel intently. In fact, take a look at the way the Merriam Webster dictionary defines the word:
“Love: n. a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. v. to feel great affection for (someone) : to feel love for (someone)”
The Bible, however, tell us something entirely different; it tells us that “love” is an action verb.
Love Does Not Envy:
Are you home with a young child while your spouse is at work: talking to adults, using the bathroom alone and in peace, and finishing a cup of coffee while it’s still hot? Maybe you wish you had your spouse’s gregarious nature or special talent. Regardless, when envy rears its ugly head, resentment quickly steps in. Close that door, because love does not envy.
Love Does Not Boast:
That last time you argued and it turned it out you were right? Love isn’t interested in “I told you so!” We may relish that feeling of vindication, sure. It isn’t doing our relationship any favors, however. Let it go.
Love is Not Proud:
So that last time you argued and you were wrong? It can be hard to admit we made a mistake. Apologizing can be a blow to our ego. Love squashes down pride and does it anyway. (Need help saying you’re sorry? Try this:  I’m sorry: How to say it and mean it.
Challenge: Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 this week. How will you exhibit the action verb “love” in your relationships? Come back here next week to dig deeper into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Love is an Action Verb: Living 1 Corinthians 13:4 Part1

article pix

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4
The word “love” is often used as a noun: a way to label an emotion or state of being. Love is also used as a passive verb: more of an abstract emotion or a focus on a physical draw that we feel intently. In fact, take a look at the way the Merriam Webster dictionary defines the word:
“Love: n. a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. v. to feel great affection for (someone) : to feel love for (someone)”
The Bible, however, tell us something entirely different; it tells us that “love” is an action verb.
Love is Patient:
You know that bad habit your spouse has? That one that just got on your last raw nerve merely thinking about it? That one. Ask yourself this: is it worth your frustration? Love is patient. Take a deep breathe. Focus on the big picture and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Love is Kind:
Whether it’s confusing sarcasm and teasing for quick wit or going for the easy verbal jab when angry, we can all push “kind” to the wayside. Bring it back. Love is kind. Love doesn’t engage in name calling or put-downs. Remain respectful.

5 Habits to Break for a Healthier Marriage Part2

index

There is no perfect marriage. And in case you didn’t get the memo, husband and wife aren’t perfect either. The issue is that most of us don’t understand relationship maintenance at all or how to care for each other past the first blush of heat.

Just like good nutrition and regular exercise can help you to have a healthy body, there are things you can do to have a healthy marriage.

Habit 4: Venting to your public

Neither your social media status nor your friend’s inbox is the place to release your frustrations with your spouse. Turning your latest frustration into a Facebook post isn’t about releasing what bugs you. It’s really more about amassing a team of folks on ‘your side’ who can validate your feelings. If you’re annoyed with your spouse, tell your spouse.

Habit 5: Overconfidence

Even the healthiest marriages need tending. When things are going good and we’re happily in love with one another, it’s easy to coast. Don’t. Make time to spend together. Talk about the things that make you happy, as well as the things that don’t. Compliment your spouse. Pray for each other. Evaluate your relationship habits and see where you can improve. Your marriage is always a work in progress.

Challenge: What habit do you need to break? What steps will you take to break it? Talk to your spouse and ask for support in making the change.

5 Habits to Break for a Healthier Marriage Part1

part1

The key to nurturing a healthy marriage lies as much in what you should not do as it does in what you should do. We’ve talked a lot recently about steps you should take, like how to   fight fairer and communicate more clearly. Let’s look at the other side of the coin. If you’ve got one of these 5 bad habits, it’s time to break it.

Habit 1: The affair with your phone (and other tech)

We live in a world of constant connectedness. It reminds me of a recent exchange on Facebook. A friend posted, as he often does, “Out to breakfast with my wife.” Another person replied, “Shouldn’t you be talking to your wife instead of posting about it?” When you’re with your spouse, or anyone else for that matter, put the phone away. Focus on the person sitting with you right now.

Habit 2: Peacekeeping

A quest to avoid all disagreement is unrealistic. Consistently biting your tongue and acquiescing to avoid conflict will breed resentment. Critiquing your spouse’s method of folding laundry is not a battle worth having. Feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list and wishing you had more assistance is a dialogue you need to have.

Habit 3: Comparing your spouse / relationship

Have you had one of those “Why aren’t you more like him/her” moments? That trait or exchange you are wistfully eyeing and wishing for in your own life was a single snapshot moment in someone else’s. You’re not seeing their whole reality. Don’t covet what you imagine exists. Step back and focus on what is wonderful in your own relationship with your own spouse.

 

4 Secrets to a Successful Long Distance Relationship

SKEME

Long distance relationship is something that requires too much trust and great faithfulness. You cannot deny the fact that both of you in a long distance relationship are prone to temptation and misunderstanding. But there are four secrets to have a successful kind of this relationship.
There is no “normal” relationship. 
You need to remind yourself that there is no normal relationship and everyone has its unique story to tell. There are times that your situation is similar to one relationship but it will not be always the same. You also need to remember that both of you are not perfect so it is ok to forgive and forget something that is in the past. While away from each other, talking about the flaws from the past cannot make a relationship stronger and longer.
Open communication
Communication is very important especially if you are away from each other. Constant updates are good to keep the trust and doubt will not settle in. Using the social media sites is a very good way for you to communicate everyday anywhere and everywhere without too much hassle.
There will be doubt, but do not let it stop you.
There are times that you find yourself doubtful but listen to him first before concluding. Feeding yourself negative thoughts will never help your relationship and that will cause you stress or depression instead. Sleepless nights at first is very normal but you need to remind yourself about your love for each other and do not think of those things that both of you will not trust each other.
Keep the romance alive.
Do not forget that you are his best friend no matter what and you are always there to listen virtually since you are far from each other. Always remind your partner that you trust him, you care for him, you miss him and above all else you love him. Saying these things will give both of you comfort while you are still away.
Long-distance relationships can be hard on anyone, but these secrets can help you get through the tough times. Remember to put God always in the center of your relationship.